Monday, May 25, 2009

In a room full of people...

At any given time of the day, I am surrounded by people. My family, people in the grocery store, my bosses and so on. I can carry on a conversation with most everyone I encounter, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day- I feel empty and alone.

I find it hard to fight back the tears as I sit on the sofa, alone, night after night. My house isn't empty, but I have no one to talk to. I hear sounds coming from the other room, but nobody will sit with me and hold my hand. Nobody takes the time to ask me how I am, or why I am crying. Nobody notices that I am, in fact, crying.

I live in a household where I am the caregiver. I am the maid as well as the cook. I am the launderer and the keeper of all things. I am the cleaner of the "ew, the puppy pooped on the floor again!". There was a time when I was a best friend and a lover. Those days are quickly fading.

I have begun to loathe the fact that we chose to move out to the middle of nowhere. It's an amazing place, but so very far away from all the people who could cheer me up and make me feel loved and needed. I wish I were anywhere but here.

Sadly, I will remain in my lonely little world, for any time I try to reach out- I am pushed away. Oddly enough, the thought of venturing out on my own is absolutely terrifying.

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